It’s been a while since I last shared with you a book I enjoyed reading. So here is my latest recommendation: The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. This self help book includes fools language and this post does too!
This post includes affiliated links so if you decide to purchase this book, I will get a small commission at no extra cost to you.
After a much-needed long week-end spent in London with my dear friend and her family, I was browsing the London City airport shops, when the orange cover of The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck caught my eyes. I’m a Kindle fan but sometimes I do like holding a book. This one had been on my reading list for a while, but I had almost forgotten about it. This time was the right time and I couldn’t pass on such a great offer (see the tag on the book: buy one get one half price!). I was energized by the love & happiness I had felt all week-end and was thinking to myself that, as soon as I had sobered up, I should make some changes. The week-end had me realized how much I needed to make changes.
BEWARE
This book isn’t for people who don’t want to take things in their own hands. It’s not for whiners. It’s not for people who just want to complain to their shrink, husband or friends, again and again. In fact, taking charge and being responsible is one of the many ‘lessons’. Together with the much-needed assertion that you (me, us) are not quite as special as you/me/we think. Actually, if you are in one of these categories, you would benefit from reading it, but you’re probably not ready to face Manson’s Law.
Yes, it’s full of f*cks and other creative derivatives of f*cks, so if you’re going to be offended, just don’t read it. But you’re the one who will be missing out on a great opportunity to question yourself, your belief system, your values and well, obviously what you give f*cks about.
What’s inside?
F*cks and wisdom! Probably more wisdom than f*cks actually.
The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck goes against most of the classical self-help books out there. It doesn’t recommend you to seek happiness, on the contrary, it tells you how emotions are overrated. It doesn’t tell you that you can be anything you want, achieve anything… if you visualize. On the contrary, it brings you down to Earth and tells you how unexceptional we all are. Our problems, our feelings… there are unexceptional too!
It then tells you to define your values and take responsibilities. Parts can be hard to read, you might not like to hear some of the things the author has to say.
Mark Manson then explains how fucked up our brains are. We basically can’t trust ourselves with anything seriously! He also explains that we are mostly wrong about everything… Well Mark is a guy and we, Girls, know that guys are always wrong, because we, Girls, are always right! OK I’m kidding! This part is about questioning yourself and it can be life changing.
Failure, success… I loved that there is a chapter on saying NO! That has been such a big thing for me recently!
And then death… but you should still read that bit.
Yeah so, I loved it and I think you should read it too!
All these f*cks made me realized something…
Reading this book had me realized some of the unconscious choices, I have made in the last couple months.
I chose to dedicate my free time to take care of my father. I also chose to close myself to others.
I still work, I still do the things I have to do. But as soon as I can, I take off to spend time with my father. I thought it was just because I was tired, so tired all the time. I thought it was just because I wanted to make of most of my time and little energy and be a good girl.
When I questioned such decision and especially the part about shutting everyone off my life, I realized something enlightening & a bit frightening.
Kind of obviously, I felt terrible after my mom passed away and I know I’ll feel even worst when my dad goes to be with her. So I’ve put my life on pause, waiting fearfully for that day. I’m not wishing him anything bad, on the contrary. I would be so happy if he lived to be 100! But I know he doesn’t want to. I see his health and spirit declining. Some seems to think he will go on like this for a long time. I believe they have no idea what goes on in his head. Although he continues to live like everything is ok, I don’t think he really wants it to last. I can’t blame him. I would not want to be in his shoes.
So yeah, I felt terrible at first and now I’m kind of in a limbo state. Physically, emotionally… At first I thought it was just grief and wondered how long grief takes to pass. Some say 6 months, some say never. But after reading this book, I realized that the truth (not The Truth but my truth nether-the less) is that I don’t truly want to get better at the moment. I choose to stay in this limbo state!
Sounds weird, right?! But let me explain…
If I do get better now, when my dad goes, it will probably hit me like a thousand pound rock falling from the infinity of the sky. If I get better, I will fall from much higher and I’ll get crushed far worst. No need to come and explain the laws of physics to me, this is just a bad metaphor.
If I stay in limbo, the fall and the resulting crush of me might not be as bad. It will be bad, I know it because I’m just not ready to be an adult orphan but maybe not as bad as if I had resumed to a happy life. Not getting better, not socializing, not living my life ‘normally’ enables me to stay in this limbo state.
Unconsciously I’ve selected my f*cks, or in other words, my top priorities: nb 1 is my dad & nb 2 is my job because I still need money. Once proprieties 1 & 2 are kind of “handled”, there is little to no energy in me, to handle nb 3 which are my other projects like RTatW (and some of you had long realized how nb 3 is far behind 1 & 2). Recently, I’ve added a nb 4 which is me. I’m taking care of myself again, to be able to handle 1 & 2 better and maybe a little for the day I will be ‘back on track’, if this day ever comes.
If my partner reads these lines, he will see he is not in the priority list and may or may not understand what he has been feeling for months. I know he won’t so that’s ok!
If no one else is on the list, it’s also because I’ve been out of their lives for 8 months now. I don’t really see a point getting back, only to disappear again later. I don’t have the energy to deal with this. I physically couldn’t even apologize for my absence. Some, like my dear friend from London, have been through worst and understand. Others will probably never get it.
Maybe you won’t understand either. Maybe you will think I’m wrong to handle things this way. Maybe you’ll say I need to see a doctor and a shrink. Thank you very much for your concern. But look, by any mean, I am not saying that I’m right to handle things this way. I’m saying that I realized what I was doing and this realization was uplifting. I stopped feeling guilty for being such a terrible friend / partner / sister / etc. I stopped wanting to do it all, not doing it all and feeling guilty for not doing it all.
Will I decide to change things? I don’t know yet. I don’t want to change my priorities so… well, we’ll see!
That’s it. And whoa!! That was a weird thing to share here!!
I hope you read this book and come up with maybe, better conclusions, than me!
The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck
So here is the affiliated link:
It has been translated in multiple languages. There is also a summary version but quite frankly, the full length version is worth your time.
If you can’t afford it but think you would benefit from reading it, email me. I will eventually give it away although, I’m not yet ready to. Meanwhile you can read Mark Manson blog.
****
And if you are wondering, well yes I did buy a second book half price! And it’s totally different and really interesting and I’ll share with you when I’m done.
****
PIN THIS FOR LATER
